The difference between a healthy relationship and an abusive one is not always noticeable – especially when the lasting impact is not as visible as a bruise. But abuse is not always physical and mental abuse is just as damaging.

What is Coercive Control? 

Coercive control is an act or a pattern of behaviour which takes place over time in order for an individual to exert power, control or coercion over another.

Signs of coercive control are someone’s need for total emotional control over their partner and it is often gained through subtle tactics. Here are the top 8 signs to look out for:

1. Isolating you from your friends or family
2. Depriving you of your basic needs
3. Monitoring your time
4. Monitoring any form of communication you may have
5. Controlling your everyday life such as where you go, what you wear and who you see
6. Depriving you of medical services
7. Controlling your money
8. Degrading and humiliating you repeatedly

Coercive control is a crime. If you are the victim of such control you may come to feel captive and in an unrealistic world. These toxic relationships often start with ‘love-bombing’, an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of affection and charm to draw the victim in. The victim is then emotionally invested and gaslighting would be used as part of coercively controlling behaviour to erode the victim’s sense of self, confidence and self-esteem.

What is gaslighting? 

Gaslighting is a dangerously subtle form of one-to-one control, it is often much harder to spot because it wears the charming face of your friend or lover who tell you they want the best for you.

Gaslighting refers to convincing someone they are wrong about something when they are not. This includes frequently disagreeing with someone and refusing to listen to their point of view.

Gaslighting can also be used deliberately as a form of control.

What are the effects of gaslighting? 

Gaslighting can be a real form of abuse when it is done repeatedly over a long period of time and has far-reaching emotional effects, making someone doubt their ideas and even question their sanity and can negatively affect a person’s confidence and self-esteem.

It undermines a person’s sense of self-belief, leads to them feeling insecure or less confident and they then believe they must be in the wrong if they are being told so.

For some people talking to your partner about making a few changes to bring some balance into your relationship can help, particularly if they did not realise they were toxic. However, in some relationships this approach will not work and if you are looking to leave the relationship reach out to a friend, a family member or professional for help.

If you are in an abusive relationship and would like any advice on domestic abuse and your legal situation please do contact our family law team to speak to one of our specialist solicitors on 01482 323697 or contact us online (link) and we will get back to you.